somnia | "cr" chart

[hallowedly]

INCENTIVES SAKURAZUKA SEISHIROU WOULD NEED TO KILL YOUR CHARACTER
A NON-SERIOUS MODERN-DAY CR CHART


TWO CIGARETTES AND GUM

AIN (eidxiety): Like kicking a puppy, and that’s okay.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◻◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◻◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Stop being squishy.

TILL (untilldeath): “Cousins, totally cousins.”

USEFULNESS: ◼◻◻◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Pay premium for one (1) uncomfortably lingering hug.

JINX (opheliac): "Not like the other homicidal Lolitas."

USEFULNESS: ◼◻◻◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH SHE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: 30-year high-yield investment in common sense.

A HOT SHOWER

SAHEON (inverseye): Where backbones go to die.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◻◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Speak with your chest.

ITADORI YUJI (cursedvessel): A loving grandfather did this to the world.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◻◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Get it together before the animal sidekicks unionise.

CASHMERE

CAELUS (trashblaze): Shoujo heroine Mary Poppins.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◼◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◼◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Stop pasting Seishirou onto walls, floors and other proximate flat surfaces.

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI (potentialman): Poor goth’s Shirou Kamui.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◻◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◼◼◻ (pre-Kamui arrival) / ◼◼◻◻◻ (post-Kamui arrival)
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Puberty, daddy issues therapy.

THE FIVE MINUTES TO DIGEST A DEATHXISTENTIAL CRISIS

RUHONG (hongtian): Yes, Seishirou has time to hear about your Lord and Saviour.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◼◻
DEGREE TO WHICH SHE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Accept ‘chill’ in this girl’s life.

SHARON DA SILVA (merged): If God didn’t save the prom queen.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◼◻
DEGREE TO WHICH SHE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◼◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Less snark, more Lord-Big-Sword-Egyptian-Architectural-Digest-Head.

KIGAI YUUTO (salaryman): Corporate Ken.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◼◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◻◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Grind culture.

COOL $1-MIL & BRIEF OFF-GRID RELOCATION EXPENSES

IRONEYE (markingnight): Tank-senpai.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◼◼
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◻◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Put finger down when pointing and laughing at Seishirou, rude.

FUSHIGURO TOJI (revolts): Hobomaxxing.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◼◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◼◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Soap.

IVAN (snaggletooth): Certified movie prop, whole Alien saga.

USEFULNESS: ◼◻◻◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◻◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Grow back a spine. Actual vertebrae. Jesus Christ.

HIKARU (paravore): Fun-sized monster under your bed.

USEFULNESS: ◼◼◼◼◼
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◻◻◻
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Flawless. End the world, king.

SHIROU KAMUI (perilously): A disgusting, whiny, spiritual nuke is still a weapon of mass destruction.

USEFULNESS: ◼◻◻◻◻
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: 1. Secure ditch. 2. Plunge in ditch. 3. Profit.

FOR LOVE OF THE GAME

SUMERAGI SUBARU (sacral): Deceptively unhinged beautiful wife.

USEFULNESS: ★★★★☆
DEGREE TO WHICH HE BREAKS SEISHIROU OUT IN HIVES: ☆☆☆☆☆
HOW TO IMPROVE THIS RATING: Stop dumpster-diving for taste in men :')